如何避免一直感到不安全 How To Stop Feeling Insecure All The Time

如何避免一直感到不安全 How To Stop Feeling Insecure All The Time
Today we are talking about self-doubt.
今天我们来讨论自我怀疑的问题。
It's that particular kind of self-doubt that gets in your head, maybe when you've gotten a promotion or you just started dating someone that you feel like is a bit out of your league, and it says you don't deserve this, that you shouldn't be here.
就是那种特别的自我怀疑，可能在你升职或者和觉得门不当户不对的人开始约会时涌上心头，让你觉得自己不配拥有这一切，不应该处于这种位置。
It is called impostor syndrome and unfortunately, what it does is it can make you self-sabotage that thing that you just got so you fall back to where you feel comfortable, even though in fact you were deserving of what you had.
这种情况被称为冒充者综合征。不幸的是，它可能会使你自我破坏刚获得的成就，让你退回到自己感觉舒适的旧境地，尽管你实际上是配得上那些成就的。
So we want to work on conquering it, crushing it once and for all, and there is a mindset that does that no problem.
因此，我们需要努力克服它，一劳永逸地将其击破。有一种心态能够轻松做到这一点。
But before I get to it, I have to say if you suffer from impostor syndrome, thank you.
但在我继续之前，我想对那些经历冒充者综合征的人说声谢谢。
Thank you so much.
非常感谢。
I think and truly I feel that we live in a world that needs more impostor syndrome because it is full of impostors.
我觉得，也真的感觉到，我们生活的世界实际上更需要冒充者综合征，因为这个世界充斥着骗子。
And you might have seen some in the YouTube ads coming on here, people that are promising you that they can teach you how to get rich.
你可能在YouTube的广告中见过一些，他们承诺能教你如何发财。
And some of them, not saying all of them, if you dig into it, you see that they haven't gotten rich the way that they are proposing you do.
其中一些人，并非全部，如果你仔细研究就会发现，他们并没有按照自己所宣称的方式致富。
They are trying to get rich by having a business that teaches other people to get rich.
他们试图通过创办一个教人致富的商业来赚钱。
We need to be skeptical of our own skillset.
我们需要对自身的技能保持怀疑。
We need to not overstate what it is that we do.
我们不应该过度夸大自己的工作。
So if you have that healthy dose of skepticism, you're not sure if you're an impostor, great.
因此，如果你对自己保持适度的怀疑，不确定自己是否是冒牌者，这实际上是件好事。
I'm going to help you find out in a way that exposes that and also gets those of you who really do need and can step up to do some.
我会帮助你找到一种方法，既能揭示这一点，也能让真正有需求并愿意采取行动的人有所作为。
So the mindset is this: when you're being promoted, when someone is dating you, if you're thinking of putting a video on YouTube to share some expertise or some knowledge that you have, the world, your boss, the person that's dating you isn't expecting you to necessarily be the best in the world.
所以，这种心态是这样的：无论是你被提升，还是有人与你约会，或者你想在YouTube上传视频分享自己的专业知诊或所知，这个世界、你的老板、以及那个与你约会的人，并不期待你必须是全世界最棒的。
We're not even expecting you to be a (quote and quote) "expert".
我们甚至不期望你成为什么“专家”。
We're expecting you to help to improve something in the way that you say that you can.
我们期待你按照自己所说的方式，帮助改善某些事物。
And if you do that, you're not an impostor.
如果你能做到这一点，你就不是冒充者。
It's that simple.
就这么简单。
We're lowering the bar from having to be perfect, best in the world, to can I help in the way that I promise that I can.
我们不再追求完美，追求世界第一，而是降低标准，看看我是否能按承诺的方式提供帮助。
That's it.
就这么回事。
Now, this has three concrete ways that it's going to change your behavior.
现在，这有三种具体的方式能改变你的行为。
First off, you will not overstate what you can do going on.
首先，你不会对自己的能力过于吹嘘。
Now, I know a lot of people when they're trying to get promoted, they get this promotion.
目前，我了解到许多人在争取晋升的过程中，最终成功获得了晋升。
The boss says, okay, we're going to task you with this task.
老板说，好的，这个任务就交给你了。
Can you handle it?
你能应付这个任务吗？
And it's one they can, so they go, yeah, I got it.
而且他们有能力完成这个任务，所以回答说，可以，没问题。
He says, awesome.
他说，太好了。
Since you've got that, how about this other thing?
既然你明白了那件事，这另一件事情怎么样？
And this other thing you sense is not just a stress for you; you can't do it without mentorship.
而你所感受到的这件事，不只是给你带来压力；没有导师的指导，你无法完成。
You're not ready, but you want to please them, and you say, I've got it.
你还没准备好，但想讨好他们，所以你说：我懂了。
Now you've fallen into impostor syndrome.
现在你陷入了冒充者综合征。
Much better is to draw a line around your current abilities and say, look, here's what I can do.
更妥当的方法是明确自己当前的能力边界，然后指出，看，这是我能做到的。
Here's what I can't yet do.
这些是我目前还做不到的。
Now, I could learn this, but I don't want to over promise.
现在，我虽然有能力学这个，但我不想承诺过头。
There were times that this happened in my own career.
在我自己的职业生涯中，也曾发生过这样的事情。
Right when I was doing coaching back when I taught people charisma, I felt comfortable.
当我在做教练的时候，尤其是教授他人如何具有魅力时，我感觉十分自在。
I'd studied it for years and years and years.
我研究这个领域已经多年。
But I had one client who was a manager of several people at a large company.
但我曾有一位客户，他在一家大公司管理着一些人。
So he comes in and he's looking for managerial advice because he thinks that falls under the umbrella.
于是他来找我寻求管理方面的建议，因为他认为这是管理职责之一。
If I start telling him about the newest management trend and all the things he can do for his compensation packages, I made out of my depth.
如果我开始向他介绍最新的管理趋势以及他能为薪酬方案做出的种种调整，那就超出了我的专业范围。
I'm going to mess up.
我可能会弄错。
He's going to know it, and now I'm an impostor.
他肯定能察觉出来，这让我感觉自己像个冒牌货。
So what I said instead was, look, I can't help you there.
所以我换了种说法：看，这方面我帮不上忙。
That's not my area of expertise. I've never done anything like that.
那不是我擅长的领域。我从来没做过这种事。
What I can help you with -- and this is good -- say not just what you can't do, what I can do is focus on the underlying psychology.
我能帮助你的地方——这点很关键——不仅是说出你无法做的事，而是专注于探讨背后的心理学。
We can talk about basic human incentives.
我们可以探讨基本的人性驱动因素。
So I can't help build the compensation package, but I can help you understand who might need a bit more praise, who might be someone that would shine a little bit more if you would give them the opportunity.
因此，我无法协助制定薪酬套餐，但我能帮你识别哪些人需要更多表扬，以及哪些人如果得到机会可能会更加出众。
So that is what we did, and it went well.
因此，我们就这么做了，结果非常成功。
So that's the first thing: draw a boundary over what you can and you can't do today.
因此，首要任务是划定界限：明确今天自己能做什么，不能做什么。
The second thing is going to be to take an honest stock of your past and to write it out.
第二件事是要诚实地回顾自己的过去，并将其记录下来。
Can you help in the particular situation that you are in?
你能应对你所处的这种特殊情况吗？
One of the things that happened when I first started sharing videos and posts is I would put them on Reddit, and Reddit can be brutal.
我最初开始分享视频和帖子的时候，会选择在 Reddit 上发布，不过 Reddit 的环境有时候相当严酷。
It's honestly awesome for honest feedback.
说实话，Reddit 对于获取诚恳的反馈来说真的很棒。
So what I would get are all these comments, and there'd be a lot of really nice ones, and then mixed in there, one or two that were like, this is trash. I knew this. I don't need this.
因此，我收到了许多评论，其中有很多非常友好的评语。但也夹杂着一两条像是这样的评论：“这简直是垃圾。”“我已经知道了。”“我不需要这个。”
And I would spend 80% of my energy focusing on responding to these people, taking down every point they said one by one, and addressing it such that 80% of my thoughts got to the point where I'm not very good at this because that's where I was spending most of my time.
我将80%的精力用于回应这些人，一一驳斥他们提出的每个观点，并解决问题，这导致我将80%的思维投入到我并不擅长的领域，因为那是我花费大部分时间的地方。
What was incredibly helpful was just looking at it from top to bottom and going, okay, I'm going to, like an analyst, count the number of people who voted up the thing that said this was spectacular.
非常有帮助的方法是从头到尾仔细审视，然后像分析师一样去计算支持这是精彩之事的人数。
Okay, there were 30.
好的，总共有30人。
Okay, let's look at the person who said this is terrible.
好的，我们来看看那个说这很糟糕的人。
There were no upvotes.
没有获得点赞。
Can I then make a reasonable assumption that this is helping?
那么，我能合理推断这是有帮助的吗？
And it changed the way that I felt about my own work.
这改变了我对自己工作的看法。
It made me put it out there more, and I think ultimately helped more people.
这促使我更加大胆地展示自己，我觉得最终也帮助了更多的人。
So go through your own track record and write down: this was a win; this was a loss; this was a time that somebody said I did well; this wasn't.
因此，回顾一下你自己的经历，记录下哪些是成功，哪些是失败，哪些是别人认为你表现好的时刻，哪些则不是。
And if you want to, even ask people around you for honest, candid feedback.
如果你愿意，也可以向周围的人征求真诚且直接的反馈。
It goes a long way towards telling you where you are.
这对于了解你所处的位置大有帮助。
And the third thing is this: we're all trying to grow our skills, but there's really two main ways that people do it.
而第三点则是：我们都在努力提升技能，但实际上主要有两种方式。
Some people shoot for credentials.
有些人追求获得资格证书。
When they're training they want to be some sort of an athletic trainer.
他们在接受培训时希望成为一名运动训练师。
That is going to take you out of the impostor camp and into someone who is truly making a positive impact.
这将使你从冒充者的行列中脱颖而出，成为一个真正带来积极影响的人。