沟通的艺术：如何找话题 How to talk to anyone

沟通的艺术：如何找话题 How to talk to anyone
So, today I'm be sharing with you guys some things that have helped my mindset, so that I'm more comfortable talking to anyone that I meet.
今天我想跟大家分享几个对我心态有帮助的小技巧，这让我能更自然地与遇到的任何人进行交流。
So, before we get into all the tips and tricks, we have to establish a good foundation first.
因此，在深入了解所有技巧之前，我们得先打好基础。
I got to talk about the golden mindset I have before I enter any conversation or any social activity that I do.
在我开始任何对话或参加任何社交活动之前，我要先分享一下我所坚持的黄金心态。
To quote Eckhart Tolle, "You are neither inferior nor superior to anyone."
正如艾克哈特·托勒所说：“你既不低人一等，也不高人一等。”
So, in other words, no one is above you, no one is below you.
所以，换种方式说，没有人比你高贵，也没有人比你卑微。
Every person that you meet is on an equal playing field.
你遇到的每个人都是平等的。
And I know it's like something that we subconsciously do where we like size ourselves up with the people that we meet, but if we don't keep this in check, we're gonna either end up with an inferiority complex or a superiority complex.
我知道这是我们潜意识里的行为，总是不自觉地和遇见的人相比较，但如果我们不加以注意，最终可能会形成自卑或自大的心理。
An inferiority complex is essentially when you feel like someone is better than you.
自卑情结本质上是指你感觉到别人比自己更出色。
And inferiority comes in all different types of flavors.
自卑的形式多种多样。
It could be someone who's more successful than you, someone's older than you, someone who's more beautiful, more followers, more intelligent.
这可能是那些比你更成功、年龄较大、更加美丽、拥有更多粉丝或者更聪明的人。
When you feel less than and when you're feeling insecure and you're feeling intimidated, you are not allowing your true self to shine.
当你觉得自己不够好、感到不安或被吓到时，你就没有给自己的真实面貌得以展现的机会。
You're not giving yourself a fair chance to have people get to know who you truly are.
你没有为自己争取一个公平的机会，让别人认识真实的你。
And a superiority complex is when you feel like you are better than or more elevated than someone.
优越感是你认为自己比别人优越或高人一等的时候。
It's an assumption that just because you're further along a certain path in your life or more knowledgeable about a certain topic, you feel like you can just dominate someone.
这种想法源于一种假设：仅仅因为你在人生的某条道路上走得更远，或者对某个领域了解得更多，就认为自己有权去控制别人。
You can come off smug, arrogant, condescending.
你可能会显得自鸣得意、傲慢，带有一种居高临下的态度。
And again, you're not giving people a fair shot to get to know who you are because you have this inflated sense of self.
再者，因为你对自己的评价过高，你没有给别人公平的机会去认识真实的你。
And there's an argument to be made that those with a superiority complex are just struggling with their inferiority complex.
也有观点认为，自视甚高的人实际上只是在努力克服自己的自卑感。
It really is like a balancing act.
这真的就像是在做平衡术。
So, bottom line, recognize that no one is higher than you, no one is below you.
因此，根本上来说，明白没有人高于你，也没有人低于你。
And when you channel this energy, you give off grounded, calm.
当你驾驭这股能量时，你展现出的是沉稳与平和。
Like, "I know myself" energy.
这就是所谓的“了解自己”的能量。
And ultimately, that's the kind of vibes that I'm looking for, and that's the kind of vibes that people are drawn to.
归根结底，这正是我所追求的氛围，也是吸引人们的那种氛围。
Next up, let's go over some prep work.
下面，我们来讨论一下准备工作。
So, this is kind of like a subconscious checklist that I have in my mind before I enter a conversation.
所以，这就像是我在开始交谈之前，心中自然而然会有的一个潜意识检查表。
First, I reflect on the things that are going on with my life because chances are, when you talk to someone, you're gonna receive the questions, like, how are you, how was your week, what's been happening, what's new?
首先，我会思考自己生活中的一些事情，因为当你和别人交流时，对方很可能会问你，比如你好吗？这周怎么样？最近有什么新鲜事儿？
And in the past I would find myself like mildly irritated with these questions because I was like, "I hate small talk."
以前，这些问题常让我感到有点儿烦恼，因为我心里想，“我不喜欢闲聊。”
And sometimes my mind would just go blank.
有时候我会突然脑袋一片空白。
But then I realized that it was up to me to do some reflection beforehand so I had something to say.
但后来我意识到，我需要提前做些思考，这样才能有所回答。
So, before you go out, ask yourself these questions, how are you?
因此，在你出门前，先自问这些问题：你好吗？
Like, how are you really?
比如，你过的好吗？
What happened during the week?
这一周里都发生了些什么？
This is where my journal and my calendar come in, like, come in so clutch because it's like a running inventory of the things I did, the ideas that I had, the things that I learned.
这就是为什么我的日记和日历变得如此重要，它们就像是一个持续的记录，涵盖了我所做的事情、我产生的想法以及我学到的知识。
And so, I select maybe three or four items on that list and I just keep them stored in my mind, so that way I am not flustered when someone asks me just a very simple question.
因此，我通常会从那个列表中挑选出三到四项，把它们记在心里，这样当别人向我提出一些非常简单的问题时，我就能从容应对。
And these highlights can look like anything.
而这些亮点可以呈现出各种各样的面貌。
It could be something that I learned in a podcast or a book.
也可能是我通过播客或书籍学到的知识。
It could be like, did I come back from a trip?
也可能是，我刚从旅行回来吗？
Did I add a new regimen to my life?
我是不是给自己的生活增添了新的习惯？
Was there something amusing that happened this week?
这周有没有发生什么好玩的事？
Or did I have an aha moment?
或者我有了那种豁然开朗的感觉？
And so, yeah, I just gather these things, so that way I am prepared.
于是，是的，我就是在收集这些东西，确保自己做好了充分的准备。
And if you struggle with this and you don't journal, I highly recommend just trying out the activity of Morning Pages.
如果这对你而言有挑战，而且你不习惯写日记，那么我极力推荐你试试晨间记录这个活动。
This is when you get a notebook, big or small, and you fill out three pages every day.
这是指你每天都要找一本笔记本，不管大小，然后写满三页。
It doesn't need to be in the morning.
不必非得在早晨进行。
But ever since I started this practice during lockdown, it has really helped me retain the information and the events that are happening in my life.
但自从我在隔离期间开始实行这个习惯以来，它确实帮助我保留了生活中发生的信息和事件。
And in these pages I would write about anything.
在这些页面里，我能够地书写一切。
It could be about my day, a conversation that I had, like a summary of an article that I read, like from news, health, science, tech, like, anything.
内容涵盖了各个方面，可能是关于我的日常，或者是我之前的一段对话，也可能是我读到的一篇文章的总结，涉及新闻、健康、科学、技术等各个领域。
I just put it all on that page and it just helps me create topics that I'm interested in.
我把所有东西都记录在那一页上，这样做帮助我找到我感兴趣的话题。
And the thing is, the more subjects that you are curious about, the more range of topics that you can discuss with other people.
而且，你越是对多种主题感兴趣，就能与人交流的话题范围也会越广。
I feel like I should give like an example.
我感觉我得给个例子。
So, if someone asks me, "Hey, Jenn, how are you?"
因此，如果有人问我，“嗨，詹妮，你怎么样？”
I'll be fairly honest, I'll be like, if I'm having a good week, I'll be like, "Oh, I've been pretty good, I've been grounded, stable, just been, like, been in a good season in my life."
我会非常坦白地说，如果我这周过得很好，我就会说，“哦，我最近挺好的，感觉很踏实、稳定，就是，感觉自己正处于人生的一个美好阶段。”
I think it's because I've been getting, like a large amount of sleep.
我想这是因为我最近睡眠充足。
Like, I really cleaned up my sleep hygiene routine.
我彻底改善了我的睡眠习惯。
I read that book, "Why We Sleep" by Matthew Walker and it has just changed my life.
我读了马修·沃克的《我们为什么要睡觉》，这本书彻底改变了我的生活。
Boom, instantly it gives the other person something to work with.
这样一来，立刻就给对方提供了一个切入点。
You have sleeping, which is an activity that all of us do.
睡眠是我们每个人都会参与的活动。
You can ask about their sleeping routine, if they struggle, or if they also have read that book, or if they read another book.
你可以问问他们的睡眠习惯如何，他们是否有睡眠困扰，或者他们有没有读过那本书，又或者读了别的什么书。
So, it's the small talk is really just the foreplay of conversation.
因此，闲聊其实就是对话的序幕。
And from that, it splinters off to a bunch of different topics.
从此，话题就像树枝一样往各个方向延伸开去。
But honestly, sometimes I'll like have three or four highlights in my head and never bring them up because the conversation is just flowing naturally.
但老实说，有时候我脑海中会有三四个想法，但因为谈话自然发展，我最终都没提出来。
This is just like a mechanism or a tool that I use to keep any anxious thoughts at bay because I know I'm prepared.
这就像一个我用来抑制焦虑的机制或者工具，因为我知道我已经做好准备了。【贝贝英语网】