如何停止过度在乎他人的看法 How To Stop Caring What People Think

如何停止过度在乎他人的看法 How To Stop Caring What People Think
Have you ever lied about an odd hobby you have?
你有没有因为某个奇怪的爱好而撒过谎？
Or maybe your job status or your height?
或者是关于你的工作情况或身高呢？
Or even just avoided putting yourself in a situation in which you knew you were likely to fail?
或者你是否尽量避免处于那种，你认为自己很可能会失败的局面？
Why did you do that?
你为什么这么做？
Short answer -- because you were embarrassed.
简单来说——因为你觉得尴尬。
Embarrassment comes from trying to control how other people perceive you.
尴尬源于想要控制别人对你的印象。
So instead of just showing the world your nerdy hobby, say, that you collect beanie babies, you go, "I don't want people to think I'm a dweeb," and pretend that you don't have one.
因此，你宁愿不向世界展示你那些被认为是书呆子式的爱好，比如收集毛绒豆豆玩具，而是选择：“我不想被人当成怪胎”，进而假装这个爱好不存在。
The same process plays out with hobbies as it does with mistakes that we've made, areas in which we're weak and areas in which we might get publicly rejected.
这一过程同样适用于我们的爱好，正如它适用于我们所犯的错误、我们的不足之处以及那些可能遭受公开拒绝的领域。
We hide what we don't want people to know about us.
我们将不想让别人知道的事情藏起来。
We conform to what other people would like us to be.
我们会变成别人期望我们成为的模样。
But it doesn't have to be the answer because there is another more empowering mindset.
但这并非唯一解决办法，因为还存在另一种更为积极的思维方式。
Instead of focusing on other people's perceptions and feeling embarrassed about what they may think, focus on whether or not you live up to your own values.
与其关注他人的观点并对他们可能的想法感到羞愧，不如更加关注自己是否忠于个人的价值观。
For instance, if you do have a killer beanie baby collection, you obviously value something about it -- maybe it's the nostalgia or maybe it's just a quirk that started when your grandma gave you one twenty years ago.
比如说，如果你有一套令人称羡的毛绒豆豆玩具收藏，你肯定是因为某些原因而珍视它——可能是因为那份怀旧感，或者仅仅是因为一个小习惯，这习惯源自于二十年前你的祖母给你的礼物。
Either way, if you value your own opinions, you won't try to hide the collection no matter what anyone else thinks of it.
无论怎样，只要你珍视自己的看法，不管别人怎么想，你都不会隐藏自己的收藏。
Or maybe you have a crush that you're thinking of asking out.
或许你正暗恋着某人，思考着是否该邀请他/她出去。
Focusing on other people's perceptions of you would stop you dead in your tracks.
过分关注别人对你的看法会让你止步不前。
After all, what if other people found out and laughed at you for getting turned down?
毕竟，如果别人发现你被拒绝了，又取笑你，那怎么办？
But what if you instead focused on your own values like doing the courageous thing or being honest even when it's uncomfortable?
但如果你专注于自己的价值观，比如勇于做出挑战，或者在困难情况下依然保持诚实，又会如何呢？
You would ask that person out.
你将鼓起勇气去邀请那个人。
Now maybe you'd go on a date, maybe you wouldn't but either way, you'd have lived up to your own values and no matter what anyone else said or did, you could feel proud of yourself.
现在，你可能会去约会，也可能不会，但不管结果如何，你都忠于自己的价值观。无论他人怎样评说或行动，你都能自豪地对待自己。
The point is that when you focus on living up to your own values, you never have to feel embarrassed again.
关键在于，当你集中精力践行自己的价值观时，你就再也不需要为任何事情感到难堪。
It doesn't matter whether you trip up an escalator, get fired from a job, beat up in a fight or blown off by a girl or a boy that you like.
不管是在扶梯上摔倒、从工作中被解雇、在打斗中挨打，还是被自己喜欢的男孩或女孩冷落。
None of that stuff is pleasant, but you don't need the double penalty of being embarrassed by those things.
这些都不是什么愉快的经历，但你无需因这些事再自我惩罚，感到羞愧。
Your attempts to live up to your values are all that matter, so take responsibility, try to correct course and move on.
最重要的是努力实践你的价值观，因此要勇于承担责任，尝试纠正方向并继续前进。
And if you have traits that embarrass you, whether it's your looks, your height, your age, well, you can't control those things and you can't live up to a value that you can't control.
如果你因为自己的外貌、身高或年龄等特质感到尴尬，要知道，这些都是你无法控制的。因此，追求一个无法控制的价值是不现实的。
So even though you might not like something about yourself, own it.
因此，即便你对自己有些不满，也要勇敢接受。
You will immediately feel relieved when you accept yourself the way you are.
当你开始接纳真实的自己，立即就会感到一种解脱。
Now this isn't an excuse to simply give up on improving yourself in the name of self-acceptance.
但这并不意味着可以以自我接受为由，停止努力改善自己。
Some things are worth a moment of embarrassment because they remind us that were not living up to our values.
有些事情即便让我们短暂尴尬，也是值得的，因为它们提醒我们未能践行自己的价值观。
So in the case of maybe having fallen out of shape, a moment of embarrassment is worth it to get you back to a healthy lifestyle.
因此，若是身体不那么健康，经历那一刻的尴尬也是有益的，它能促使你恢复健康的生活习惯。
Or a moment of embarrassment in saying your job title can be worth it if it inspires you to hustle to land your dream job.
同样，当提及自己的职位时感受到些微尴尬，如果这种感觉能够驱使你更加努力，去追求你梦寐以求的工作，那么这样的尴尬也同样值得。
The point is to get clear on your values than live in line with them.
重点是要清楚地认识到自己的价值观，然后依据这些价值观来生活。
Let other people's perception of you fade into the background noise.
让他人对你的评价变成无足轻重的背景杂音。
Now this doesn't mean you ignore other people completely to the point of becoming a self-absorbed jerk.
这并不是说你完全不理会他人，以至于成为一个只顾自己的讨厌鬼。
For instance, if one of your values is to be kind and you keep getting feedback that you're hurting people's feelings, you probably need to make an adjustment.
比如说，如果你认为善良是你的一项重要价值观，却反复被告知你的行为伤害了别人的感情，那么你很可能需要进行一些调整。
But just remember there are 7 billion people with 7 billion different opinions -- you cannot please them all.
但记住，世界上有70亿人，他们有70亿种不同的观点——你不可能让所有人都满意。
So when you take feedback from others, focus on doing the right thing rather than the thing that pleases everyone else.
因此，在接受他人的反馈时，应聚焦于做正确的事，而非试图取悦每一个人。
In short, stop trying to be okay by everyone.
总之，不要再努力取悦所有人了。
Stop trying to control the opinions of strangers.
别再试图去左右陌生人的看法了。
Instead, figure out your values and live by them.
反过来，明确自己的价值观并依此来生活。
Be your unadulterated self all the time regardless of the audience.
无论面对什么样的听众，都要始终保持自己最真实的一面。
Make mistakes, fail publicly, get laughed at, you've got nothing to lose and as long as you're trying to do the right thing, you've got no reason to ever feel bad about it.
犯错、在众人面前失败、遭人嘲笑——你其实一无所失。只要你在努力做正确之事，就绝无理由对此感到懊悔。
Own your screw-ups, your weirdness, you're unpopular actions, and you're free.
接受自己的失误、奇特之处和不得人心的行为，你才能真正自由。【贝贝英语网】